INTRODUCTION

I changed my introduction because I felt my original was not fully explaining what I was trying to explain. My original introduction did not mention Gee or Cuddy but rather talked about Discourse and my own definitions. My peers saw this as confusing. In my new introduction I defined Discourse how Gee defines it and I mention Gee and Cuddy. Also my original did not hot have my claim or stance on Gee and Cuddy’s ideas. My new introduction now has my stance on Gee and Cuddy and my central claim.

 

EVIDENCE AND EXPLANATIONS

In my original essay I talked mainly about my ideas and not Gee and Cuddy’s. After peer revision I wanted to have a final paper more structured around Gee and Cuddy’s ideas and building off of their ideas. I saw that when I did this, my claim was more concrete. Also it was pointed out to me that my claim was unclear so when I added more evidence, my claim became clearer.

 

REORGANIZATION

I made my paragraphs flow better from the first to final draft. In the original my paper, each paragraph had it’s own idea that contributed to the central claim. I tried to in my final draft to have my paragraphs flow throughout and have them not be as rigidly different as they were before. This makes it easier for the reader to follow along.

 

NEW PARAGRAPHS

I didn’t move paragraphs that much. My first draft was more of a skeleton paper that lacked ideas. In my final draft I beefed up my claims with a lot more evidence. I also added a new introduction paragraph with a clearer claim. Also my evidence middle paragraphs were all either modified or replaced with new paragraphs that helped push my claim. These new paragraphs overall helped my paper go from strictly my ideas to my ideas based off of Gee and Cuddy’s ideas.